you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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