i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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