dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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