naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
