My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
