I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
