ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
