Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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