Umm I'm too high to move.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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