He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
