I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
