i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
