Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
