he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
did you just send me my own nude
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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