my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
