So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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