How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
