WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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