You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
there's paper in my vomit.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
