What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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