so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
