you guys were way drunker than both of me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
