dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
