Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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