Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
