I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize