just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
