you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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