dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
