office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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