it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
