my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The best revenge is premature balding
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
