She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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