so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
