Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
