I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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