He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
