Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
