I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
