she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize