I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
