I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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