Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
