Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
