I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
