did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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