Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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