i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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