What a fucking waste of an outfit
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
