Moan for me like Helen Keller
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
