smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
