Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
