Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
