...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
