So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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