Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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