I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
