I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize