I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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