My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
