no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
