the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
