I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize