does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
