Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize