I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
