I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
