So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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