can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
