I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
