As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
