I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Alive.
So much puke
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize