literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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