can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
