it hurts more in the daytime
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We need to get me chipped asap
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
