I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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