you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
