I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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