If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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