I faked an abortion last night.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
