Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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