it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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