genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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