How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Bring me that man meat
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
