another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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