Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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