she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
