its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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