Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
