I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
