Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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