shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize